I recently had the pleasure of working with a lovely guy called James. James was in his early twenties and worked in sales. As James sat down in my office, he explained that although he had a great job and a big group of friends, that he was gripped by an overwhelming fear that he was missing out in life. James explained that he would spend hours on social media, constantly checking his Facebook account to see what his friends were up to and feeling resentful that their lives looked so perfect. He explained that he felt disillusioned with his life as if his life was substandard in some way. His constant need to check social media was dominating his life. An all-consuming obsession that dominated his time leaving him feeling anxious and exhausted to the point where he didn’t have the energy to attend social events and on the rare occasion that he did, he felt like he was unable to really enjoy himself as he would be constantly checking to see what his other friends were up to.
This had resulted in James falling behind at work, missing deadlines and being unable to focus on even the smallest tasks. James’ obsession with social media and his belief that somehow everyone else’s lives where more exciting than his, meant that James had developed an inability to engage in and enjoy his own life! Instead he’d come to view the experiences of his friends as some kind of unobtainable ideal! And it was that constant pursuit of that unobtainable reality had left James feeling anxious, depressed and unable to cope with life.
It quickly became apparent that James’ obsession with social media had lead to James losing his ability to live in the moment. Even when he was at a social event, he was already looking for the next opportunity and it was that constant striving to do more and to fit in with his friends and that unobtainable ideal portrayed on social media, that was preventing James from enjoying what he already had.
I explained to James that the fear of missing out (FOMO) that he was experiencing was a common phenomenon, so much so that in 2013 it even made its way into the Oxford English Dictionary. In fact studies have shown that up to 70% of young adults admit to feeling this way. Characterised as “the uneasy and sometimes all-consuming feeling that your peers are doing, know about, or are in possession of more or something better than you”, FOMO is often fuelled by excessive use of social media.
I explained to James that whilst going on Facebook and other social media isn’t necessarily a problem, relying on it for validation or happiness is. By seeing each social media post as a realistic portrayal of his friends’ lives he was setting himself up for further dissatisfaction and disappointment. We challenged these maladaptive belief’s using Socratic Questioning to enable James to see the reality of the social media posts and James was able to identify that his friends were only posting the most idealised ‘cherry picked’ moments of their lives and that often those posts had no bearing on reality. James came to understand that by using social media as a bench mark for his own life, that he was devaluing his life leading to an inability to enjoy his own life experiences. James had adopted a form of maladaptive thinking called ‘shoulding’. A cognitive distortion where the individual judges themselves based on a distorted view of how things ‘should’ be instead on focusing on what is. We used cognitive behavioural hypnotherapeutic strategies to challenge and ultimately alter this belief. Meaning that James developed the ability to think rationally and realistically.
Through our work together James was able to gain a realistic view of social media and to overcome his fear of missing out. He gradually weaned himself off of social media and learnt to engage with others in social situations instead of constantly checking his phone for social media updates. His focus dramatically improved as he was able to give his undivided attention to each task without constantly stopping to check social media. James also reported that he was feeling much happier and calmer in life. He was able to adopt a selective mindset meaning that instead of attending every social event, James became selective and chose to only attend events that he actually wanted to go to instead of attending every event through fear of missing out!!!
If like James, you’d like to overcome a fear of missing out!! Then please see these strategies to help you to overcome FOMO once and for all!
1. Remember social media is rarely a representation of reality!! Nobody ever posts photos of the day they sat in traffic for an hour or the supermarket shopping trip!! Photo’s are filtered and posts are cherry picked!!
2. Turn it off!! Many of us have social media on our phones, IPad’s and every other device. Which of course makes it very tempting to just check in!! On average many of us spend up to 9 hours a day on social media! And think how much more you’d get out of life if you spent 9 hours actually living your life instead reading about other peoples!
3. Create an attitude of gratitude!! Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have! Feeling grateful has been shown to lead to greater feelings of happiness and contentment and a reduction in anxiety, depression and feelings of dissatisfaction.
4. Be selective!! No is the most underused word in the English language! So when you receive an invitation to a social event, instead of saying yes immediately, ask yourself if this is something you actually want to do? Or something you feel that you should do? By being selective you’ll enjoy social situations more as you’ll actually want to be there and you’ll challenge the FOMO mindset!
5. Live in the moment! Instead of rushing through an activity so that you can move onto the next thing, really slow down and savour the moment. Whether you’re enjoying a meal or watching a film. Turn your phone off and allow yourself to be present and to enjoy the experience.
6. Spend time with people who make you feel good! Social media is no substitute for genuine social interaction! When we engage with another human being we create a mutual meaningful connection that lights up the pleasure centres in the brain. Humans are social beings and social interaction has been shown to boost brain function, boost the immune system and reduce depression, anxiety and high blood pressure. Some studies even show that the health benefits of socialising are equal to those of taking light physical exercise even when the social activities involved little or no physical exertion.
If you’d like to work with me or to find out more about how to overcome FOMO with Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy, then please get in touch on 07930 423633.
info@louisephillipshypnotherapy.co.uk
http://www.louisephillipshypnotherapy.co.uk/
